if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
