What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
