Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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