Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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