So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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