He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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