My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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