I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
