What a fucking waste of an outfit
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
