I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
