I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
