Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
