Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
