I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
