This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
