he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize