On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
