im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
are you so shy because you have an std?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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