Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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