Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
