After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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