i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
