this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
