the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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