Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize