well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
