At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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