In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
