When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
