Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize