Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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