y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
