I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
