Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
