Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
