the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
