Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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