he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
