I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
