just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
