It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
