He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
