Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
