I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
