Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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