dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this just has baby written all over it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
