Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How does one acquire holy water?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
