We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
