are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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