I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
