Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
