Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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