And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
