The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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