There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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