Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
