obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and she was petting her beer can
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
