oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
