just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
