Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
