I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
