She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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