I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
