you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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