ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize