They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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