Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
