Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
