i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
