I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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