So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
