Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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