I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
bring money and cleavage
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize