We named our party play list daddy issues
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
