Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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